she gets 6 band with this writing
Should she go for rechecking?
This essay belongs to Numra whose first language is English. She was born in England and now currently living in Lahore, she has done her Graduartion or master in English. She contacted me and claims that she wasn’t given fair bandscore for writing module. What i asked her to do was write and essay and post it to me so that i can have a look and see if she is right. After getting her essay which is below seems that she got fair bandscore.
The main reasons she is getting low bandscore is firstly she is not responding to actual question secondly there isn’t proper cohesion and coherence. Apart from it vocabulary side there isn’t any competency in some words.
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Majority of today’s youth is under the negative impact of a relaxing, sedentary lifestyle which consists of eating junk food and having little exercise. It is of my opinion that both schools and parents can bring a change in this routine by working together in influencing children.
Firstly, seeing that the child spends most of their time in schools, the institute can make sure that physical activitiy is ecouraged through promoting more competitive and fun games rather than just focus on academic subjects. If children are given the opportunity to participate in outdoor sports, this enhances their fitness and makes sure they are active rather just playing on video games. Physical education teachers should encourage all children to play as a team rather than just focus on some really active students who prefer to play games than the students who avoid such sports. After school clubs should also consist of activities such as hiking, swimming etc and parents should allow their children to spend more time in clubs.
Secondly, I believe education plays a pivotal role in bringing a change in a person’s thinking. For example, students should be encouraged to eat healthy at lunch times rather than eating oily, fatty foods such as chocloates and fries. Teachers should emphasise healthy eating in thei r lectures and force parents to send healthy lunch with their child every day consisting of fruits and water. Parents can take this step further and promote healthy dinners and avoid eating take aways at home.
Parents also can put a time limit on the amount of time their child spends on the internet and games and encourage outdoor activity instead. Youth love to spend more time on technology instead of exercising. Family members should all participate in active sports, not only does this ensure that everyone remains fit, but it also makes sure that there is a family bond.
In conclusion, parents and schools need to work in unison to bring about a change in children’s lifestyle. The child is under the supervision of teachers at day time and their parents in the evenig. Both teachers and parents play a vital role in educating and enforcing a healthy lifestyle.