– First sentence ” English is new the global language” is not clear meaning wise and word order is not correct. Bring clear progression here.
– in second sentence article “an” is missing ” used an international language”.
– in last sentence word “even” has been repeated.
– some sentences need comma to show clarity.
– first sentence of first para of body shows advantage and disadvantage which is not a good idea. This seems thesis statement so should move to introduction part. Secondly , do not mix explaining two points at a time. Each main point should be introduced separately in separate paragraph and explained there. By this way your “cohesion and coherence” will improve.
– you mentioned dominance and then repeated by explaining only writing field.
– next statement and sentences do not show logical connection nor explanation.
– in disadvantage, you introduced main point which you supported with one sentence but still it doesn’t show well logical connection.
It seems fine
Dear Dr Arjumand,
Look at the above comments and see where you weak areas are.
In next essay . You should work on discussion more by explaining points in more detail.
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In this modern era, the purchase of consumer products is raised by the advertisement rather than by the actual need of people. In my opinion, sales of consumer goods are effected by both the advertisement and the real need of individuals.
With the advent of modern technology people lives have largely been changed. The needs of human being have been increased with the development of different methods of presentation of products. For example, children may not feel the need of a remote control toy car until they watch it on T.V. Similarly, ladies will not buy the latest design costumes before they see sign boards on road side. In addition to this, many need products, such as, pressure cookers, rechargeable fans and smart phones sales also depend on advertisement.
In contrast, sometime the actual need of a consumer good is much more important than the commercials. For instance, one must buy vegetables and fruits despite having no advertisement anywhere. Likewise, consumption of most of other kitchen products are influenced to a lesser extent by it. Furthermore, cities are influenced to a greater extent by ads. While opposite to this, in villages sale of a product is more based on the real need.
To sum up, advertisement and actual need both have its own effect on sale of any product. However, in most metropolitans with higher class and rich families commercial ads and sign boards have a major influence. While, country side with lower, middle class and poor individuals any good sale is less changed by it.
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