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Essay with comments

Below is an essay from my student Khazeema who has written it for the first time. I have highlighted some weak areas in it and recommended how she can improve it.


part one


– Avoid such statements “I can explain the given topic for long time”

– Try to keep introduction separate. Keep statements general. Introduce topic and then give thesis statement


part two



– This could have been organized in much better way. You could have used wide range of vocabulary to increase bandscore.

– In the body part always come with certain points which you need to separately explain in separate paragraphs.


part three


– You haven’t concluded well. Always conclude essay based on your body. Refer to the body and conclude topic in last.


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